Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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