Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
