in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
