Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
