i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
