I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
