took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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