this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
