No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
