I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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