therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
bring money and cleavage
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
whose ass print is on the piano?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
