Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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