ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
