we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
