Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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