I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize