No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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