Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You may now shotgun with the bride
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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