Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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