Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize