Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
