just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
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New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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