I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
