I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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