He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
