idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
