8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
