Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
