Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
