just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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