My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
