I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
