Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
