I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
