i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My ATM looks so different sober.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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