wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
no you cant smoke seaweed
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
