So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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