I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
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