Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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