They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I forget how to act sober
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
