Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
