i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
