So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
