Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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