Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
