Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
