yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
