In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Small penises have feelings too.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
