I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Randomize
