At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
