I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
