I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So squirting runs in the family.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
