I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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