Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
