it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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