hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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