Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
