I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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