this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
