Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
