I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
