this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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