Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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