the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dick very happy bro
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
