"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
