Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
