I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
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Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
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