Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
