thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
