Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
