I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
