I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
