Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
