I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
