i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
