i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
