dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
