just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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